Suffering: Pain vs. Joy

One night a group of us were on our way back from the markets, where we had found some gifts for friends and family. I was following Sutee, our driver, and dodging motorcycles as we crossed the street. We had only to walk through an open mall and we would be back to the car. It was evening and I was hungry, but soon lost all appetite when I saw a man begging on the very same road that I would have to be going by. It was not his begging that upset me, though I dislike seeing that too, but it was his leg. He was old, and his body was worn, one leg was healthy, but the other completely turned around from the knee down to the foot, which was extremely deformed. I had never seen a leg so disfigured and it really bothered me. I was nearing him and wanted to know if the pain was etched in his face or just his leg, so I-without thinking- looked up. He looked directly in my eyes and I will be honest and say, I looked away. 

Pain, more than a physical ache~almost a soul-ish wound, can be attributed to some suffering. I have seen hurting people before and kept my eyes locked on theirs, even though it hurt. I was studying physical therapy in college and had a pediatric clinical that made me acutely aware of pains infliction. That clinical may have been the deciding factor for why I am not a PT today. Pain has always bothered me, even today it does, as my Mom is sitting with ice on her knee before going to the doctor tomorrow to have the fluid taken off. Truth be told, this is where I crumble in apologetic's: pain and suffering. Why does God heal some and not others? Why does suffering have to be a part of this life? These are the questions that I wrestle with and sometimes even cry about. But there is another type of suffering that confuses me even more, and really makes me question my life and its purpose. I will tell you about another set of eyes, these had hope rather than despair.

The leader of the ministry that we went to collaborate with in Coimbatore, John Paul, is a gentle and kind man. His eyes speak more than his lips and in them rests the Spirit of the Living God. He leads his family in righteousness and desires to honor the Lord in all of his actions. Philippians 2 could very easily be attributed to his lifestyle: humility and selflessness surround him! His wife, Ana, is a prayer warrior, a mother and a worshiper. If I could try to sum her up in one phrase it would be, "fiercely tender." I felt so welcomed by their hospitality and genuine spirits. I knew that it would be difficult to say good bye the very first day I met them, but not until our departure did I discover the weight of that initial emotion. My life is richer in knowing them!
Prayer is life to this family, more frequent than tea and rice. I was compelled by their trust and fearlessness in God, whom they know and believe. The short encounter I had with John Paul and Ana shed light on the years of diligence I was not able to witness first hand. I saw in them roots of faith that had been weathered through storms and hope that anchored them to their Savoir. Suffering had produced in them a dependence in Jesus that was authentic. Their testimony of our Lord increased my joy in Him and encouraged me to live a life that would convey His heart and hope. They have suffered, but their suffering produced a joy and this was strange. 
Joy, not just a happy smile, but a deep and unwavering hopeful abode of peace. This joy was evident in their lives and the only reason that I know it to be so, is because God has placed it there. They surrendered their pain, they relinquished their suffering and because of God's mercy they have now been given the gift of joy! 
This is where my apologetic's crumble: pain and suffering. How is God so merciful? Why does He love us so well? Why does He have compassion at all? Why grace? His hesed, His loving-kindness is amazing and beyond my comprehension. I am overwhelmed by who He is. My prayer is that I would not bring accusation against my Lord when pain and suffering upset me, but that I would trust Him. 

I want that man, with a disfigured leg and ache in his eyes, to know the joy that is only possible in Jesus. I want to know it too.