Sex Trafficking

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=JAELA5k7tC0

This is graphic, It is from my heart, and not censored.

My body is not a portal for your gratification, not some mechanical device to entertain your needs. I am a woman, through and through. My skin is not the only part of me you handle. If I had a door, you committed a forced entry, leaving things damaged and the inside exposed. But I am not a house with no emotions, though solidly I have been laid. If you were a man you would know this, but it is animalistic teaching you have drenched your mind in, leaving your actions to show how clearly demented the aggressive beast can be. This body was designed to be lubricated by a gentle touch, a soft whisper, a pleasing kiss-how did you expect for such harsh tones to produce such pleasure? With force you stole, with anger you grappled me, I was just usable.  How could my body be separated from who I actually am-the person you extracted your pleasure, your desire, your now empty passion...she was clothed with dignity and you stripped her bare!

Passion is a coward when fighting against comparison, it steeps down low and masks itself with love, when it's true essence is lust!

Letter to Eloise

Dearest Eloise,
It has been 53 years since we planted the beautiful field for our wedding and I helped you pick your flowers for your bouquet, they were wonderful! Our squash never could turn out right, but I loved walking in that field as the tomatoes ripened! Tears always come fresh this time of year, the new life that springs from this blessed earth only reminds me of our life together and the way you always made it seem like spring-even in wintry times! I love you more today then I did the first time we met, though my memory is fading, I remember how radiant you looked! I think that our Father must have known the intensity of our love, He planned for it to take an eternity of being with you! I am anxious to put this flesh aside and be clothed in His splendor, perhaps I will look as good as you :) 
I am jealous at times that our good God asked you to come to Him, leaving me behind. I know that He loves having you by His side, and He knew that you were anxious to meet our little Jill. I cannot wait to hold you both, oh, what joy awaits me! I imagine her to have your eyes, and my wit. I often let my thoughts wander as I rock on my favorite rocker, I imagine she dances with you and laughs with a sweet and gay rhythm that just about harmonizes with yours! 
 Robert and our grandchildren are all well, they continue to grow in stature and popularity, I seem to loose the priority as sports and friends need their attention. Our parents raised us to understand the importance of family, I thought we taught Robert this too. It is odd to be able to look back and realize the mistakes that I made in my parenting. I was too hard and too soft, what balance I should have held to, I know not...but there must have been a better way. I am glad that you were here with me then, I know that you were certainly my balance, you knew when I needed that look and when I needed the encouragement. Thank you for that, dear. You were and I know will continue to be,  such a great wife!! God molded you well for His Son, I pray He praises you for your sweet spirit and humble work ethic. Oh, Eloise, I love you! 
Yesterday I took a walk around town and listened as young married folk spoke to one another, I was so saddened at their casual glances at each other or quick responses. I know that there were times when I should have listened before I spoke, times I let my voice raise with frustration, but I never remember a time when you disrespected me in public the way that these young women were with their husbands today, and in front of their children! I was shocked. I am thankful for the mentor that you were while on this earth to so many young women in our church. I still hear stories of your sweet words of encouragement that meant so much to these now learning what exactly you were talking about! You had wisdom beyond your years, even when we were first married and we were young and first timers! You seemed to have had much more training than I, it was with graceful ease that you became my wife, I treasured you, darling, and I still do!
It was such a pleasure to see your timidity turn into playful temptation. The notes I would find in my briefcase made me blush on more than one occasion, it was wonderful! The long lunch breaks were well spent! I am numb some nights as I lay close to your pillow, trying to smell any last perfume that could possibly be saturated among my tears. The blessing our Lord allowed us to experience together, can never be put into words, I am thankful, oh so thankful for the time we shared and will continue to share...someday! Until then, my beloved! 

Humility

Frail and swaddled in a blanket that had not been washed in at least a week, enduring much dirt and germs, this new and precious baby was born. The water buffaloes and goat were watching as the village woman bore her first son into the manger they occupied. It was a night, much like any other, the valley was warm with the days heat lingering, and the stars were brightly guiding any man’s path. This new mother silently, calmly and even respectfully waited as her husband inquired for a room to give birth, she knew that the possibility for any woman to help her was extremely slim, as it was already well into the night, yet she was resilient in her temper, she chose to trust in God. One man offered this manger, and with a peace, she accepted and began to prepare herself for the miracle moments away. If you have never met a village woman, you should know how strong and beautiful they are. The culture demands hard working women to be raised; there is no place for weakness. Tenderness is a trait that only can be fully expressed in love making and child birth, but it is in these times when a woman can show her beauty fully, for there is a vulnerability that is captivating in her eyes. The woman was now fully prepared, she would have her outer garment to wipe the blood and sticky beautiful layering that her child would need off, as well as the blanket to hold him. Her husband, though fearful, and in awe, took her hand and prayed as the little one made his way out into the stench around him. The woman carefully cleaned the child, swatting away the flies that were immediately drawn away from the animals to see the new life also. Water is not conveniently received in a village, one has to walk long distances to bring water and the pitcher is typically carried on the head and only by women. I wonder if this village woman towed her water for cleansing before she gave birth or if her husband was able to do so for her, I hope the later. There is no hay, like we have here in America, only limbs with thick leaves that have been cut down from trees and fed to the animals. I wonder if this woman had any of these leaves to cushion her as she lay this night.

This is just a made up story of what I picture now of Jesus' birth. I have been in some very stinky stables overseas and have experienced life for a village women, so my imagination has new smells and scenes. I am amazed at Jesus, in a new way. He is so humble. How am I to truly be like Him? 

Lessons are pre-planned by my Great Teacher!

I began a different type of schooling this last August. I have only had a few months of classes and I am overwhelmed by how much I have learned. It is humbling to be a teacher.

Brilliant imaginary minds greet me in funny little voices early in the morning, with the greatest stories you could fill a book with, all while they unpack their belongings and hug you at the same time! I think that I could sit and watch these little lives at play for hours, simply because their rules are simple and make even the most difficult team player at ease, they save little stuffed animals at a drive through clinic, make dinner for the family, have an automotive repair shop and library all in the same place and time! :) There are the alligator tears, poopy pants, and random fits, but these are worth the all encompassing blessing that these 4 yr olds are in my life!! One little boy echos complaints that I make to God on a regular basis, I can only imagine how God must feel with me sometimes. They usually go something like this, "I can't!", "I don't want to!" or "I just want my mommy!" but with a repetition that cannot be described, only experienced! It is humbling to say the least!
After a little nutritional break I meet my next group of children, these make my insides feel so much joy! I love first and second graders, they have that fun and playful learning sparkle in their eyes! We can sing and dance a Bible verse, and then get really serious while we talk about the importance of obeying God's Word! I love seeing the expressions on their faces as I act out stories with them, I can see how anxious they are to learn more of our wonderful Jesus! All of their questions are so simple and raw, they just want to know how to be as black and white in their little lives as they can be! I try to trick them sometimes with little questions, "How many times has God lied?" and they give me the most critical faces, "Miss Hannah, God NEVER lies!!!!" I love hearing the principles be cemented now, as the storms will come later, no doubt! They continually remind me to keep it simple! Thank you, Father, for showing me child like faith, regularly! :)
The third graders come next, with my most challenging part of the day. I love how much life they can bring into a room, but sometimes it can be overwhelming! I have 17 loud and funny third graders! They all want to tell me something, right away, whether it has something to do with Bible or not. The intellectual jump I see in this class is really fun to work with, they ask deeper questions than my younger kids. We had skits this last week and it turned out really well, they did a great job! I am impressed by their compassionate spirit, as a whole!

On Monday, Wednesday and Friday I tutor a beautiful S. Korean foreign exchange student after my Bible classes. It is a joy to work with her on any homework she has, especially in English and Bible-as those tend to be her most difficult classes. I am proud of how well she is doing, so much improvement already! I love seeing her more confident, it is a blessing! It is also such a joy to hear her asking more questions about God, whom I love and desire her to know!

After this I return to my four year old's, to finish up their day and help them pack up and head home. We wait outside for each parent to come and then I help them into their booster seats, buckle them up and say our and goodbye's. I have a short little breather and then go into after school daycare, where I stay until 5:30 with any number of kids from pre-k to 6th grade. I usually end up having between 10-20 regularly. I love this time, because I get to experience my students playing together and making up silly games. It is also fun to interact with the 6th grade girls that ask me all sorts of "boy questions" and tell me their drama! I am blessed to be a "safe" ear for their tender hearts, that I understand all too well!

I am thankful that my wonderful Teacher, Jesus, has planned such incredible lessons for me in this season, and I am even more thankful that He is patient as I learn how to apply and live them out!